A Doubting Heart
by JinxPrincess13
Summary: A wedding in the Hidden Stone of great political value approaches fast, however such value causes it to be done in the shadows. As the date approaches, the groom finds his nerves fraying and turns to his brother for confirmation that what happens next is the right thing for all concerned.


Politics were annoying things, the siblings decided on the eldest child's wedding day. What should have been the happiest day of her life was made far more stressful than usual by politics that had no place in the wedding of a village leader's sister and the adviser of another village leader. It stressed the bride out, which in turn stressed her brothers beyond breaking point. Nobody wanted their wedding ruled by what was best for a village they would no longer live in, after all. But there it was, the dreadful truth that the councils of the hidden villages were damn near obsessed with muscling in on the lives of their most prominent villagers and people who by all rights should have been in charge.

Basically, the council and their insistence in being part of the weddings of the Kazekage and his elder sister pretty much ruined everything, thus it was with a heavy heart and with much discussing with his fiancee that Kankurou made the decision that his own wedding should be kept as small and secret as possible.

Kurotsuchi had no objection. She had no wish to turn her wedding into a peace treaty between the Stone and Sand, especially since she wanted to be wed at least before she took on the mantle of Tsuchikage. It was important to her to marry before certain factors made it more difficult. Before she gained too much weight to wear that peach kimono she had deemed absolutely perfect, before it became harder for her and her fiance to travel to see one another, before hostilities between her father and her fiance got even worse and before Kankurou could have any second thoughts. So, over the past few weeks leading up to a meeting between the Kazekage and Tsuchikage, they had made their plans. It was a quick thing, tragically, but the entire thing was essentially rather urgent.

The journey between Suna and Iwa was roughly a week long. Both sides had informed a small party of their plans, and those who knew had willingly sworn secrecy. The warm day was punctuated by a biting wind, sand stinging the eyes of Suna's delegation. That morning, Kankurou found himself unceremoniously bundled into a palanquin while no-one was looking, to be joined shortly by his younger brother. The journey seemed slow and arduous, and for the longest time he sat in silence, barely acknowledging his brother's presence, not for the sake of snubbing or for need to be rude, but more due to nerves. When in a good mood, Kankurou was the kind that could talk your ears off until the cows came home, provided there was enough to talk about (and believe you me, there was plenty he had to say there and then), and even in a bad mood he could talk. Quiet, submissive behaviour was deeply unbecoming of him, and while it concerned Gaara, the younger brother was able to recognise a need for quiet reflection and thought, and so left him until he was ready to talk.

After a few hours, however, he was somewhat certain his elder brother had fallen asleep. Finally, he was unable to stand the silence much longer and gave the puppeteer a sharp prod in the side. He awoke with a jolt and stared ahead for a moment, trying to get ahold of where he was in his head.

"Gaara?" He asked, glancing to the other man in confusion.

"I'm sorry if I woke you."

"No, no, it's fine." He stretched out and offered a smile. "What's up?"

Was that an inquiry as to how Gaara was feeling? It was Kankurou who was starting to feel stress and strain over what was to come, so surely it should have been the other way around.

"We'll be leaving the desert soon, and then we'll have something to eat. How are you feeling?"

"Fine." He answered simply before turning his attention to the window. The curtains were drawn, so he couldn't see a thing, but something about those light purple drapes seemed to be absolutely fascinating.

"I told Matsuri. It's a shame we couldn't have others present."

"Yeah, though your screaming kid and my beloved nephew aren't my idea of paradise."

"Nothing's perfect, but family is family."

"Yeah..." Kankurou found his thoughts flitting from one worry right on to another. Weddings, family, Sunagakure...

He didn't want to leave the people he cared for most, but at the same time he was weighted with responsibilities and the fact that he was moving along the path of adult life like an average person did. This was how life went, wasn't it? Grow up, get an education, get a god damned job, meet a nice girl, get married, have a few babies, watch them grow up, get an education...it wasn't really what he wanted. He'd wanted a different life, but then he'd also wanted to be trained by Chiyo and to have been the perfect big brother to a vaguely normal younger brother, but that didn't happen either. And hell, he'd been the one to initiate this. When he'd gone to meet his nephew, Temari had teased him about something along those lines, seeing as his relationship with Kurotsuchi had likely been the longest he'd ever undergone. And it still would be. She'd probably tease him even more when their first born arrived. He'd distinctly said he planned to never ever have children after Shikadai had vomited on his best shirt. Still, a little teasing from his siblings was something he generally viewed as a good thing. The more normal they became, the more he could bond with them, and the more he could bond with them, the more he treasured his time with his family. Not that he'd ever stopped treasuring such time. Even when moments grew awkward in that small palanquin half-stuffed with his own belongings, ready for transfer to his new life, he was happy to spend his time with his precious younger brother.

The days passed in similar ways to each other. It was dark when Gaara found himself finally able to pick into his brother's more troubled mindset. It started with a simple comment.

"Next time we stop for food, perhaps you should cook." He mused, glancing to Kankurou, whose attentions were still focused on the curtains. Even so, the older man gave a snort of laughter.

"Who in hell's name told Yaoki he could cook? He makes the simplest things taste like pure crap."

"I don't think we should say this when he's around."

"Well, he's got to know somehow." He shrugged, smiling to himself as Gaara continued.

"You realise once this is done you'll be forced to make the best dishes you can every night."

"Oh yeah. She'll come home and complain she's sore and tired and," for the next part, he put on a falsetto voice, clearly a mockery of his fiancee. "Being Tsuchikage is so hard to adapt to, so much work to do." The men allowed themselves a chuckle before he continued. "And I'll go along with it like a loyal slave."

"It won't be that bad."

"You say that because you can't do household work."

Gaara's shoulders twitched in what may have been a shrug.

"Is this...?" Kankurou began before shaking his head, looking back to the curtain and resting his arm against the window sill.

There was a long silence before the Kazekage addressed his brother. "You're having cold feet."

"It's not that, it's just...I don't want to move away, but she's got a duty to her entire village now. I'm going to be at least a week away from pretty much everyone I know now, and that's just going to suck. Plus you and I both know my father-in-law isn't all that fond of me and...everything's going to change so completely, huh?" During this time, he began to wring his hands with nervous vigor, some of the joints cracking audibly.

Another dismissive shoulder twitch was the immediate response as Gaara took in his brother's expressions and the tension keeping him upright. "It isn't like we'll never see one another again." He pointed out, trying to think of the best way to waylay his brother's...concerns. "There's only one person left to talk this over with and that's you. Temari spoke to Kurotsuchi on the matter. We've both been aware that we'll be far apart for a very long time, but even if small visits are impossible, special occasions call for a family to be together. The 19th of January, 15th of May and 23rd of August are just some of these. And beyond that, if a person is worth being with, a journey would be worth taking. Clearly, this person is worth this journey. You're willing to go this far for this woman, which tells me she is worth the effort in your eyes, and if roles were reversed she would do the same for you. You're not sure what you want from life or what you're seeking, but like everyone else, you're seeking happiness. If anything, this venture will bring you happiness. I do not believe you are making a mistake."

Kankurou stared at his younger brother evenly for a moment before smirking. "I thought Temari hated 'Tsuchi."

"She's just protective of her little brother."

"She should know I don't need her looking after me."

"You appreciate it though."

"More than she'll ever be allowed to know." He joked. He rested his hands on his knees, notably calmer. Still, the tension in his joints remained painfully obvious.

"What else is troubling you?" Gaara asked, reaching uncertainly to place a hand on Kankurou's shoulder.

"Nothing." Came the dull and somewhat embarrassed response. The younger brother's eyes never left the elder, aware it wasn't true. "Look, it's just something stupid, it's not even worth worrying about."

"You seem rather concerned about it."

"I just started thinking about...the future."

"I don't understand." Gaara admitted rather quickly. The puppeteer somewhat suspected he'd barely given it any thought. He was also sure he didn't want to expand. Gaara would ask where the sudden thought about kids had come from (as that was what he was thinking of) and he really didn't want to talk about his pregnant soon-to-be-wife. Nor did he want his little brother to so much as think that was the reason he was marrying her. After a moment trapped within these thoughts, he realised he was wringing his hands again, but made no effort to stop. The fact was, he hated little kids and as far as he could see, his prospects as a decent father were low. Plus, if Kurotsuchi had to run Iwagakure, he was somewhat aware he'd end up being labeled primary caregiver and if that were to be the case the kid would be as good as fucked.

Suddenly, the Kazekage addressed him again. "When you say future, you mean what comes after marriage?" He asked, awaiting his brother's slight and tense nod before continuing. "Children?" Another nod. Kankurou heaved a sigh, trapping his hands between his legs to stop the anxious movement. "You don't have to have children if you don't want them."

"It's inevitable."

"How so?"

"She's already pregnant."

A long silence.

"I was planning to marry her-"

"Months beforehand, I know. I've seen you making your plans. Vastly different to the advice you gave me."

"Of course. I don't want our lives to be identical. Besides, Tsuchi doesn't go for the same romantic goop Matsuri likes."

"True. But you like Shikadai and Kirameki, because they are family."

"Yeah, I know. Attachment isn't the problem. Family's...it means a lot to me, but...kids aren't my thing, I'm awful with them. How in hell's name am I supposed to be a father?"

"If you ask me, I'd say you have the perfect traits for a good parent. Protective, but not suffocating, stern but not cruel, and though you try and hide it, you have a deeply caring personality. From where I'm sat, there's no real issue other than your confidence in yourself. You're afraid that you'll not know what you're doing, but that's what antenatal classes are for."

"What classes?"

"Matsuri insisted we attend them. They'll help you know what you need to know."

"That's your answer? I'm perfect, I just need to take classes?"

"As I said, the only issue I can see is your confidence. You were very good with your nephew and niece when you met them, apart from when Shikadai threw up on you. Kirameki lights up whenever she sees you. You leave a good impression on them. Even if you don't like children, they like you." He paused a moment before the brothers' eyes met. "Are you convinced yet?"

He shrugged and watched Gaara stifle a yawn. It was probably past midnight. "Thanks, ototo..."

"Don't worry about it...fair warning though, women like to do their best to break your fingers when in labour."

The brothers were still asleep when they finally found themselves in Iwagakure. Yaoki awoke them at 10, and Gaara went to leave with a brief warning to Kankurou to get ready for the wedding ceremony, as Yaoki would be back to check the coast was clear and point him in the right direction. Indeed, it wasn't long before the newly appointed bodyguard and adviser was able to sneak away under the pretense of having left some things at the palanquin, where he did as told and escorted the Kazekage's brother to a small building on the outskirts of the village so he could finally be wed. He would have to think up a good explanation for how long he was taking before he got back.

The meeting was dull, focusing on the current relationship between the two villages and recent discrepancies that had occurred without the leaders' notice. It took place in a stuffy room, and Gaara found himself subtly stealing glances at the clock in the corner. At first the issue was simply that he had a wedding to get to, having been named as a witness to his brother's wedding. He was pretty sure the other witness was to be the large man that normally served as the Tsuchikage's bodyguard. True to that, Akatsuchi was missing from the meeting room. After long enough in that room, however, the young Kazekage simply couldn't wait to get some fresh air, so when the time ticked on far enough he decided to call a lunch break and briefly flit off to the wedding to sign what he needed to sign. That Ohnoki saw him leaving through a window was a minor oversight that he could explain easily enough. It would be harder to explain suddenly having to sign his brother over as an addition to the Iwa forces before he left.

"You're late." Kankurou told him as he hurried into the small building, apologising softly. Even so, the elder brother had a grin on his face.

"I don't have long. I'm not sure you do either. Kurotsuchi's father is coming this way, apparently looking for Akatsuchi."

"And he knows he's here?"

"At 'a dear friend's' wedding."

"I've already signed." Akatsuchi mused, gesturing to the door. "I could go and-"

Kurotsuchi latched onto his arm. "Come on, just stay a little longer, we can have a photo together. He won't come bursting in here. Gaara, you can stay a little longer and I can explain the whole thing to Grandfather, since we swore you to secrecy. It'll be fun!"

He hesitated before giving a slight nod, agreeing to her whim, though not sure why. Perhaps for Kankurou's sake. He seemed pleased to know his brother would remain at least a little longer.

Photos were taken outside the building, in an area that provided a pretty view and somewhere nice for the couple to settle themselves before they were tracked by Kitsuchi and Ohnoki. That was when an otherwise fine day became a little bit more...chaotic.

"What on earth is going on here?"

"I was wondering where you'd gone."

Gaara found himself having to explain himself to a rather irate Tsuchikage, while Kankurou and Kurotsuchi calmly gave their reasons for the secret wedding, although Kankurou admitted he had not expected the father of the bride to be kept in the dark, to which she answered, as though her father were not there, that 'you and I both know he'd react badly when he found out about..." She trailed off and instantly, Kitsuchi began to press for an explanation. Well, they'd already messed up enough that he wouldn't drop it until told.

Ohnoki and Gaara found themselves distracted from their conversation (which had turned more amicable over the passing moments) by a harsh sound as one man's fist connected with another's jaw, almost unbalancing the victim. After righting himself, Kankurou found himself forming his own fists. "You fucker!"

"Tou-san, Kankurou, stop it!" As she called out to them, sand surged forth to separate the fighting men, as did Akatsuchi. Kankurou obediently stepped back, hands moving instead to nurse his cheek, glare never wavering. "Do you have to ruin everything?" Kurotsuchi continued, her own glare leveled on her father. "It's not bad enough that I had to be that careful who I told for _political_ reasons, I had to worry about your temper too! In the end I just thought I couldn't tell anyone because no matter who I told somehow it would be ruined and everything would be used as an excuse to _use_ the entire day for some bullshit."

"That's not-"

"Shut up!"

"Quiet!" Ohnoki was able to make his voice heard above the general caterwaul that was this poorly timed argument. "Like it or not, this is a family."

"We can stay together and talk, or separate until you cool down." Gaara continued. It was annoyingly like being the parents to a group of rowdy children. Even so, the two of them were eventually able to calm the all out war formulating before them, even if it did take a bit of convincing. On the plus side, they spent a good few hours together, just talking, getting to know the way their family was growing. It went from frustrating and hellish to pleasant and calm, but for the swelling bruise on Kankurou's cheek.

The hardest part of the entire event was not stopping any budding fights, calming his elder brother's rage or nursing his ego, but instead saying his goodbye to him. Kankurou turned his forehead protector over in his hands, stood across from his younger brother.

"I have to go soon." Gaara stated dully, bringing the puppeteer's attention to him.

"I don't really want you to go."

"I know, but I have responsibilities to take care of, and so do you."

"Yeah, I know. Growing up sucks big time." To the younger brother's surprise, he stepped forward and pulled him into a tight hug. "See you real soon, okay?"

"As soon as can be arranged."

"Look after the girls and give them my love."

"Your niece will miss you."

"She'll get over it eventually."

Once released, Gaara stepped back and turned his attentions to his new sister-in-law. "Look after him. He's an idiot."

"Hey!"

Kurotsuchi slung an arm around her husband's shoulders, a grin on her face. Kankurou gave the both of them the same disgruntled look. "Don't worry, I know all too well what I'm getting into with this whining terror."

"I'm trusting you."

"I know, I know, he's my problem now."

Kankurou muttered under his breath, something about hating both of them, only for Kurotsuchi to laugh and plant a kiss on his cheek. She then reached forward to take Gaara's hand firmly. "It's been a pleasure to have you here, it really has."

"It's been equally pleasant for me." He assured her.

"Thanks for, well,"

"It's always good to build and grow our family." Reluctantly, he stepped away, offering a slight wave which was eagerly returned by both ninja stood before him. He chose not to glance back at their side-by-side embrace and small shows of affection coupled with their dwindling waves.

All that was left now was to explain things to the councils.

 **A/N: I must admit that once they reached Iwa, I stopped being pleased with what I had written...pretty sure I failed at Kitsuchi and Ohnoki's personalities, but...here you go. Just be glad I noticed I'd written Shikamaru instead of Shikadai at some point before finishing this.**


End file.
